the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Randomize
