Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
