i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize