is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
