then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
