Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
