closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You took a bar mat shot.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
