3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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