your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize