HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
