I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
