Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Two words: blizzard sex
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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