At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize