I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize