Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
