i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
