I hate all girls vehemently.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
