Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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