omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
