The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Randomize
