3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
