I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
