I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize