Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
