hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
