best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
