why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
