You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
