life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
