Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
