Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
