I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize