You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
