I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
