is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize