i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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