I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
