I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
