I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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