just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
