...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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