all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
