Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
