Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
