Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
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