I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Randomize
