dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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