I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
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