went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
