It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize