lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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