He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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