Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
