When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize