im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
