I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I didn't notice because vodka
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
