i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Randomize
