We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
