No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Let's paint friendship bongs
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
