i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
