DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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