he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
