My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
