In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
