you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
