mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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