Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
