How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
