Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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