I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
