Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
